we live our clueless lives

what am i doing? how many friends do other people have? i don't feel comfortable with anybody and other than suloni, i don't feel like there is any real intimacy in my life. but not even that. i feel very uncomfortable with life. feel uncomfortable with everyone. it seems like we want to be able to share things, be intimate, but something precludes this from happening. we are shells of life that mingle without animal grace or reality.

i need to have the car working. be able to get around and change my atmosphere, see life. i'm tired of being hostage to my fears, boredom, lacks. i need to motivate myself toward something. i had something to say, but didn't get here til it was too late. my thoughts are nothing again, my disturbance is now mundane again, vague.

resolutions:
get the car running
do something with my time that is calculated
find a better job
not waste life
live in spite of the lack of real commmunication that life is

more later