i don't know what my needs are these days. i feel fine. it is as if i were on one of those drugs that levels you off, but i am on no drug. i am amused by others just a bit, but mostly i want distance from them and their activities. mostly people bore me, and i wouldn't make much company for them. i like a haphazard conversation about where we are with a likewise soul who may be around now and then, but nothing much usually amounts of an extension of this. i can sit here at home and be content to investigate the world at my own rate of interest. i want for time to mean less. mostly i would rather be left to myself. let us investigate each other randomly, intimately, and at a distance. the fields of electrician, chemist, researcher...these fields are alternate realities i don't give myself the discipline to follow through. they would take too much time from my empty pondering of days. starting over a life i rutted ages ago with laziness, lack of oommitment, lack of attention, distractedness, fear. i sign off for a moment to pursue something that does yet interest me. perhaps i'll check back to monitor myself.

i wade in time