self death or self birth, born again self. not dead to the flesh, stuck in the flesh. i am sick, sick of it here, the way we do things. yes, the way YOU do things especially. i want to get out of me and be clean and pure, love and joy and interesting things. but no, i am a personality trapped in this ego-bearing body, alive only to the flesh in a one shot at life. this page can be gray, all content baby, not even a damned title. will anyone read it, no. we need things to click on, flash, wit, supermodels, and a counter. part of me is especially like this, thankfully, this part of me is not. what are you really looking for? things to make you happy? pretty things? something to get off on? something funny, something ironic? words are crap. literally a verbal diarrhea, ego vomit. rubbish, chattel drool. we say pretty trying things, they are garbage. we shouldn't speak. life is scary and lonely. we need things. we don't know what, we form some pattern to our lives and have to stand by it. have to live with it/ourselves every day. we are nauseous if we pay any attention to our thoughts and feelings. let it be distraction wholly? is it? life can be very good, fine. life can be shit/hell. we are lonely and sometimes should be left alone, to get clean again, to wipe clean again, then sleep. we begin to do the same shit day in day out. not too much damn variation. tell new people the same stuff, cover the same bases. start over and say it again. life is good, i am lonely, leave me alone, i love you--all true. most of all we should respect each other, give each other space, and talk like human beings with one another when two lonely fucked up people as we all are are put into the same space for the moments that we have to share

we need to deconstruct ourselves and let our motivations fall like tears. we become the same fucker we always were. perhaps i could have less self to need. be more, with less

fuck you i love you fuck you i love you fuck you i love you

going back is bullshit, my home is nothing, find a good home for your self and be good to the people you meet